Bill the Pony is the unsung hero of Lord of the Rings

Okay, so here are a few qualifying statements since there are always nitpickers (starting with Aaron, who gave me shit for slinging mud at the fellowship and sent me the following all-caps message on Discord when he read the script:

OK SMARTY PANTS, JUST SO YOU KNOW, IN THE BOOK, SAM WEPT OVER LEAVING BILL, THEY COULDN'T TAKE BILL THROUGH THE MINES BECAUSE THE MINES WERE DIFFICULT TERRAIN AS WELL AS A CONFINED SPACE WHICH WOULD HAVE MADE BILL UPSET AND EVEN IF THEY HAD, BILL WOULD HAVE LITERALLY BEEN CHARRED TO DUST BY THE BALROG SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR NERD PETULENCE, CARRY IT FOR LITERALLY AN ENTIRE YEAR AROUND THE ENTIRE WORLD, SCAR YOUR MEMORIES WITH FIRE, AND WAR, AND MAGGOTY ORC FLESH AND THROW IT THE FUCK INTO THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM.

Note: this is a pretty normal Aaron message to receive.

Okay, so yes, I may have glossed over some details, but the facts remain:

1. In the books, Bill "runs away" (a.k.a "makes a strategic retreat like the fucking master of war that he is") when the lake creature attacks the Fellowship at the gates of Moria. Rather than searching for the WISEST, TRUEST, and MOST MANY-LEGGED member of their party, the Fellowship ditches Bill. Sure, Sam grieves a little, but nobody sent a boat over a waterfall for dear old Bill.
2. In the movies, they aren't even separated during the combat. You know why the Fellowship ditches Bill? Because they're about to go into a mine and they'll have to walk down some fucking staircases, which I attest that Bill would have handled like a fucking boss. Would Bill have survived the Balrog? I don't know, but I'll bet he wouldn't have woken it up in the first place like dumbfuck Pippin.

/END RANT

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